What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:37
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
If there was only one man remaining on the Earth, would this be regarded as extinction?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Do most men prefer curvy women or skinny women?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What is the most craziest dream you ever had?
As i do to all so called friends.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Has Messi scored against the Buffon?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
How does someone start doing urban exploration?
All the time i was locked up.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why do old men think young women and girls would want them over guys their own age?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why am I so jealous towards couples? Why am I tired of being single and feel my life is over?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It was going to be , some day.
Who is the most annoying character in the Office?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was very sick at this time too.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When she asked me how she looked .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She found it foreign!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Put me off passion for life!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But, we were locked up after school.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I couldn’t, believe it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She wouldn,t have been !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were not on the streets..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So whats the point in blame.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it wasn’t much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
(And it was in our own minds.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So, i spoilt her more .
I think the readers, may guess!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Comes on , in middle age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She loved him until the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My family never makes their pension either.